It's Thursday and I have my office holiday party on Saturday. We're expecting a wintery mix that I am hoping will prevent me from going.
I agreed to go (like an idiot) because my boss (the one who gives performance reviews) asked me to and bought my ticket. I would rather she had donated the money to the Humane Society since the humans I'll be with get on my friggin nerves!
I know that my boss wanted to help the cause. Not many of my co-workers are going to the party. Morale around here is pretty much in the toilet and upper management don't care. They know, they just don't give a damn. My boss is one of those warm and fuzzy people. She has to make sure everyone feels good. Doesn't matter if making one person feel good makes someone else feel crappy. She recently described herself as Pollyanna. I'd say she's Pollyanna on a serious dose of LSD.
Now, here's a not so funny. Yesterday I saw my therapist and she told me about something called the Anniversary Effect. I've been pretty depressed for a few months and I haven't been taking care of myself the way I usually do. October has always been my month of change. I got married in October and ten years later I got divorced within two weeks of my wedding anniversary. The same year I got divorced I broke up with a boyfriend I'd been dating for two years nine days AFTER my divorce hearing. This year I told a friend of mine who I felt wanted to control me that I no longer wanted to be friends. Yeah, October's a pretty busy month for me on an emotional scale.
So, I looked at the things that happened and I began to add "good" things that happened in that month too. My little brother married an amazing woman. They celebratd their first wedding anniversary and thinking of them makes me smile. Zalliah was born in that month. Even though I don't see her I do get to follow her on her mother's Facebook page. (Don't start!) I got back in touch with my cousin William. There are some great things about that month too.
I don't want to date. I want someone to hang out with, but the whole dating thing makes me queasy. I did eHarmony and it was an eJoke. They found me the most nacissitic men!! There was one guy who said he didn't want me to respect him! Can you imagine that? Jeez Louise! He wanted me to sleep with him. Newsflash, idiot, I only sleep with men I respect. Stopped speaking to him.
So, I'm not sure the online dating thing is for me, but since I'm not meeting any guys now, I don't know what else to do. Why are men so fucking difficult?
