Like right now.
I have decided to be blunt with Donna about how I'm feeling. Subtlety isn't working and I'm quite fed up with dancing around the bush.
I do not want to be codependent. I never want another codep relationship again. I hate being that way. I will not do it ever again.
That said, how does one tell someone they are crossing boundaries without caring about their reaction? See, that's hard for me. I don't want her feelings to be hurt, but I can't choose her reaction for her. She has to chose it.
I want healthy relationships like I have with my other friends. I want to know that I don't have to call you on a regular schedule for us to remain friends. I want to be able to pick up the phone every few weeks or every few months and we pick up where we left off. Those are the relationships I'm used to with friends. Perhaps a relationship with a recovering codep is not possible. I don't know.
I do know that she's crossed boundaries that she wouldn't allow anyone to cross. I was so furious with her when she sent me the e-mail on Oscar Pettiford. It was not helpful, it was invasive. I had not talked to her about him and for her to send me an e-mail telling me things I already knew really angered me. Here she won't tell me about the website where she met the woman who has moved to Japan, but she feels it's quite okay to tell me about Oscar Pettiford as if the Library of Congress wouldn't have the information for me. I burn just thinking about it now.
