It's funny, I just sent an e-mail to Robert by the same title.
Last night he told me I had been an arrogant little bitch when we dated. I was hurt. I mean really, really hurt. I was surprised about how hurt I was. I wasn't aware of how bad I was. I had no idea that I was that bad. I do realize that I was arrogant, but I didn't think I was a bad person. I was a bad person. That's not easy to hear or accept.
Now, I'm wondering if that's how he sees me. If that's one of the reasons he won't tell me he loves me. It's been more than a week since he told me he loved me. A week. Even then he was prompted. Maybe he doesn't love me. Maybe he can't forget who I was and that prevents the connection I would like to have.
I'm scared. Very scared that I'm once again investing in something I'm in alone. I am so sick of being in relationships alone. I don't want to struggle to make someone love me. I did that with Addison and I don't want that ever again. I won't do that to myself ever again.
So, I sit here typing and not calling him. Not sending him text messages to say good morning. I know I'm avoiding. Avoidance isn't healthy, but right now it works. Right now it's what I need.
Did I mention that I sometimes think being emotionally healthy is hightly overrated? LOL
